Waffles at the Wake Read online

  Everett’s lips flicker. “Lemon, you do realize just one more outburst, and I would have been forced to hold you in contempt.”

  Carlotta slaps her hands together. “There’s still time. I say you throw the book at her.”

  Noah slips an arm around my waist. “Cut her some slack. She’s carrying my child.” He gives a little wink.

  Noah is positive I’m having his baby.

  “Believe me”—Everett plucks me out of Noah’s arms and reels me in—“I did go easy on her.” He lands a kiss to my cheek before tucking his mouth to my ear. “Although I haven’t taken disciplinary action off the table just yet.”

  I bite down hard on my lower lip to hold back that sultry laugh begging to bubble to the surface.

  “All right, Lot.” Noah breaks up the slightly perverse party. “What’s going on? Everett said you’re meeting up with a suspect?”

  “Ooh.” Meg wiggles her fingers my way. “Hit me up with his name, and I’ll make sure to get you in front of him.”

  “Rocky Romero, Flo’s ex.”

  She frowns out at the crowd. “Cocky Rocky? He’s here somewhere. I’ll fish him out for you.”

  “I’d appreciate that.” I lean in. “If you know Rocky, you must have known Flo,” I say it low in the event a certain perky poltergeist decides to pop up from behind.

  “Oh yeah.” Meg’s expression sours on a dime. “Flo is Jimmy Canelli’s niece or something. She was always sassing off and making the girls here crazy. She was way too into herself, if you ask me. But what can you expect? She was given everything she ever wanted on an Italian silver platter. In short, she was a brat. And the annoying part? You couldn’t trust a word she said.” She shrugs. “But overall she was a good person, I guess. I don’t like talking ill of the dead. Especially not the Canelli dead. If anyone could find their way back to haunt this place, it would be her.” Meg takes off, and both Everett and Noah exchange a look.

  “Lemon”— Everett takes a breath—“I believe certain favors are due to you in exchange for a certain favor we did for her.”

  Noah nods. “When is this big turf war going down and where? If I want to keep one step ahead and save lives as I intended, I need the details in advance—and they need to be accurate.”

  Carlotta swills her fruity drink our way. “I can always ask Cadillac or Connie.”

  “No,” Everett, Noah, and I say in unison.

  “Sorry, Carlotta.” Everett shakes his head. “We’re not dragging anyone else into this. If they get suspicious, they might just do a little digging, if you know what I mean.”

  Noah’s chest bounces with a silent laugh. “You’d better do what he says, Carlotta, or he’ll hold you in contempt.”

  She leans toward Everett. “Promise?”

  Meg comes back. “I found him, Lot. He’s near the front. He just ordered up a beer,” she says as she waves to the bartender, and a cold frothy brew is quickly slid her way. “Why don’t you take it to him? And since you’ll be in view, your muscle men can keep an eye on you from a safe distance.”

  “Ooh, sounds good.” I zip off before any one of my muscle men can stop me, and Carlotta is right on my feathered tail.

  I haven’t seen Rocky since the day of the murder, not that I knew who he was that day, but I remember his greasy blond hair, his puffed up chest, and that look he gave Flo while she was still living. It wasn’t a good one, but I’m not sure it was a look that could kill either. They were just having an intense conversation.

  But I don’t need to worry about identifying the right man in this dizzying low lighting because a pink spray of stars just popped up to my left as Florenza Canelli floats my way looking giddy as a schoolgirl in her pink dress, matching glossy pink lips, and let’s not leave that crunchy curly hair out of the equation. She has on enough gel and hairspray to create a fire hazard, or at least she would if she were living.

  “He’s here!” she stretches that last word out with a ghostly warble.

  “Flo,” I whisper as she comes in close. “You were arguing the last time the two of you were together. Wanna fill me in on why that would be before I grill him?”

  She scowls my way. “Let’s see if you’re good enough to pull it out of him.” A maniacal smile swims on her lips.

  “Oh, I am. And do you know what else I’m really good at? Making you keep your end of the bargain. You owe me some info regarding that turf war.”

  “Would you shush?” She presses her finger to her lips as she gives a quick look around. “I’ll tell you everything you need to know as soon as you shake down Rocky. I need to know if he’s the rat’s behind that did me in.” Her lips invert as she looks his way with a pained expression. “He just can’t be.” She floats over to him, and I follow behind, setting the beer right on his table.

  Rocky is a blond, beefy man who might just be wearing the very same pinstripe suit he had on the night Flo was killed. Who are we kidding? He’s a mobster. He’s probably got a closet full of them.

  And planted right in front of him is the biggest platter of nachos I’ve ever seen in my life.

  “Look at that food, Lot.” Carlotta bumps her arm to mine. “You grill him, and I’ll chow down on the nachos.”

  A dull moan comes from me as I take in the ooey gooey cheesy goodness. Red Satin doesn’t do a lot of things right, but its nachos are not only well renowned, they might as well be five-star.

  “Thanks, ladies.” Rocky tips his beer our way. “Hey, you’re looking pretty hungry, little mama.”

  “Oh, I am.” My hands cup my belly. “I just realized I haven’t eaten dinner yet.” I choose not to tell him about the half dozen fried pickles I wolfed down in the van on the way over. Of course, I shared with Everett. I’m not evil. Besides, those were just an appetizer. Or more to the point, the appetizer to hold me off until I hit the real appetizer of the evening—a platter of nachos from Red Satin.

  Flo squawks out a laugh. “Look at you go, Lottie Lemon. Turns out, you’re just about as good as getting a man to do your bidding as I am.” She floats over and takes a seat next to him. “Isn’t he dreamy?”

  More like schemey. He’s a mobster, I want to point out, but I suppose it would be a moot point to Flo.

  His eyes close a moment as if conceding. “Well, don’t just stand there. Take a load off. Go on and have at the nachos.”

  Flo slaps her hands together and whoops, and suddenly I think she’s been spending a little too much time with Carlotta. And well, Carlotta just did the very same thing.

  “Don’t mind if I do.” I plant myself across from him and dive right into those cheesy fresh fried tortilla wonders. “Mmm, wow, these are really good.” The baby acknowledges this very same thing by giving me a swift jab in the ribs. “How about that? The baby thinks they’re pretty good, too.”

  “A real kicker, huh?” His lips purse as he looks at my stomach. “Would you mind?” He holds his hand out toward my belly.

  Carlotta snorts. “Are you kidding? Having men touch her has been one of her cravings long before she ever got knocked up.”

  “You’re not funny,” I mutter before motioning for Rocky to give my belly a pat.

  “No, no!” Flo reaches out as if to stop it. “Don’t do it, Lottie.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine,” I say to both of them, and I help place his hand over the top of my belly, and sure enough, my little sugar cookie rewards him with a kick. “How do you like that?”

  He pulls his hand away slowly, his eyes closing once again.

  “That was beautiful.” He sniffs hard. “My girl”—his voice breaks—“she was gonna have a kid. My kid.” He shrugs. “Truth is, she wasn’t sure whose kid it was. There was another guy in the picture.”

  I shove another chip into my mouth and make quick work of it.

  “Funny story”—I say, scooping up another chip and trailing it through the thick and cheesy nacho sauce—“I happen to be in the same baby daddy dilemma. It’s not a fun one.” I wink over at Flo, and
she’s glowering at me—most likely because she wishes she could dive into these nachos with me.

  “No kidding?” Cocky Rocky rumbles out a laugh. “Sounds like you really have been working up an appetite.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” Come to find out, hiding a body can really do a number on your caloric intake—of course, I mean increasing it. There’s no point in thinking I might be reducing it anytime soon. “So how far along is she?”

  A moaning sound comes from Flo as her hands fly up over her ears.

  “She’s no longer with us,” Rocky says at the exact moment I put two men plus one woman together.

  “Oh my word.” I shake my head her way. “No wonder you said you had a secret!”

  He inches back. “I don’t remember saying that.” He holds up his beer. “I usually hold my liquor a lot better than I am tonight.”

  I look his way. “So tell me, Rocky, how long were you and Flo going at it behind Nicky Knuckles’ back?”

  A choking sound comes from Flo, and she steals a nacho as if it were a reflex—a delicious reflex.

  “How did you know?” Cocky Rocky isn’t so cocky anymore. In fact, he looks downright maudlin over the fact his baby mama is no longer among the living.

  “I’m a mother now,” I tell him. “We know everything.”

  “So you do.” His eyes expand a moment. “Man, I miss her,” he says with so much zest and vigor he’s starting to pull at my heartstrings.

  Flo bucks and yowls as if she were a cat.

  “I miss you, too, Cocky Rocky,” she calls out.

  A baby.

  I can’t believe she didn’t tell me this. I shake my head at her. It’s not like the coroner wouldn’t be able to give us this information. That is, if they had a chance to, and then the world would probably assume the baby was Nicky’s.

  I suck in a sharp breath because it’s suddenly clear Flo may not have been as concerned about having a bad do at a subpar wake when she had us kidnap her corpse. Maybe she was trying to hide the fact she was knocked up?

  “I’ve got your number,” I squint over at her as I hiss the words out.

  Rocky winks. “Sorry, Mama. My heart is still aching for Flo. You know that old saying, the heart wants what it can’t have? Well, I really can’t have her now.”

  “I’m sorry. How long did you know her?”

  He glances over at her lovingly, and for a moment, I’m convinced he can see her.

  “Flo and I had known each other since we were kids.”

  “So why would you kill her?” I’m not convinced he did it, but I need to break the trance and get him back to the murderous brass tacks at hand.

  “What?” He turns my way with an incredulous look on his face. “I would never hurt a hair on that girl’s head.”

  Flo sniffs. “He’s right. The only thing this side of beef has ever done was love me.”

  “Then why in the world did the two of you break up?”

  His shoulders bounce. “She had a little thing for Nicky Knuckles. And well, I may have had a relationship I wasn’t quite through with myself and Angel Face found out.” His nose twitches. “So while we went dark, she went to the dark side, if you know what I mean, and that’s where we left off.”

  Carlotta smacks me on the arm. “Hear that, Lot? That’s just like you, Foxy, and Sexy. You better start wearing a bulletproof vest. You’re gonna end up dead. But don’t worry. If you decide to haunt Honey Hollow, you’ll still have me to talk to.”

  “There’s something to look forward to,” I mutter. “Rocky, was Nicky a good guy to Flo?”

  Flo sulks as if another truth she’s been holding out on me is yet to be exposed. Here’s hoping Cocky Rocky has loose lips.

  “The guy was a donkey to her. I was in the middle of a separation. But Nicky? That dumbbell was all out cheating on her. He was messing with Flo and another chick at the very same time. I would never disrespect her that way.”

  “He cheated on you!” I squawk as I look to poor Flo. “I mean her.” I shake my head as I look back at Rocky. “That’s horrible.”

  He nods. “You’re telling me? I wanted to kill him. But he might have been the baby’s father. I couldn’t do it. He and Flo really came to blows those last few weeks. It hurt to see her so upset.”

  Carlotta squints over at him. “Came to blows or came to bullets?”

  “Nah.” He shakes his head. “Look, I don’t like Nicky. Never will, but he’s not trigger-happy. And he wouldn’t hurt Flo like that. Yeah, he’s a jackass, but to kill the mother of his child? Not only is that the worst kind of sin, but he knows the boys in Jersey would have all the fire power of both families in Vermont after them. He wouldn’t mess like that. And to be honest”—he ticks his head to the side—“the method, the time, the place, it screams amateur hour. No offense to Flo, but I think one of her divas had it out for her.”

  Flo sucks in a breath as she looks at him. “Are you saying one of my witches did it?”

  “I’m saying one of her witches did it,” he says witches in air quotes because we all know the W in witches was meant to be a B.

  I lean his way. “Which witch?”

  “Donata.” Rocky doesn’t hesitate with the answer.

  “What?” Flo and I cry out in unison. “That can’t be,” I say. “Why in the world would she gun Flo down like that?”

  Flo sits up as her fingers fly to her lips as if she’s suddenly got her answer.

  “Well? What is it?” I pose the question to both of them.

  A dark chuckle emits from him. “Flo really knew how to turn a friend into an enemy. Let’s just say she had a fling with the girl’s brother, and now he’s doing a ten-year stint.” He ticks his head to the side. “Who knows? If he plays nice in the big house, they might slice his sentence in half. But Donata has never forgiven that girl. Flo was a dead girl walking for a very long time.”

  My gaze cuts to the ghost to his right, and Flo lifts her chin while clamping her lips shut.

  A thought comes to me. Nicky hinted that Flo did something to Rocky. And since I haven’t bothered to ask the poltergeist in front of me just yet, I think I’ll go for the gold.

  “Rocky, I heard a rumor that Flo did something to you. What was it?”

  Flo sucks in a dramatic amount of air that I’m pretty sure she doesn’t need.

  “Lottie”—she growls—“there are some things in the past that should stay there.”

  Rocky bows his head a moment, and his chest begins to tremble.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say, horrified that I made a grown man cry. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I mean—”

  “No, it’s okay.” He squeezes his eyes shut, and as he tips his chin back, I can see he’s laughing. “I’ll tell ya. Why the heck not?” He shrugs as if he was talking to himself. “Last year after one of our epic meltdowns, Flo cuffed me to a bed—hands, feet, the whole deal. Let’s just say I wasn’t wearing much. She had her witches come over and they hustled my bed out the front door and planted me in the middle of the street. I darn near got ran over by a car—a couple of ’em. It was close.” He gives a wistful shake of the head. “And after she pulled that stunt? I’m shocked anyone had the nerve to go after them with a gun. I’d bet good money, Flo is haunting whoever the heck pulled the trigger.”

  I nod his way. “I bet she’s haunting someone.”

  The music dies down a notch and Meg takes the stage, introducing a very special event this evening.

  Carlotta gives an audible gulp. “That’s me.”

  “You’ll do great,” I say before leaning toward Rocky. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I won’t say a word.”

  “Eh, I figured I shared it with that PI lady, Cara-something, that’s been sniffing around, what’s the harm in telling you? It’s not like you’re about to go out crime busting with that baby in your belly. You make sure you keep that kid fed. That’s your number one job, sweetie. I know Flo wishes she could be doing the same.”

&nbs
p; I look over at Flo with heavy eyes, and she bows her head and slowly disappears.

  “Do me a favor, Rocky. If that Featherheaded PI lady comes snooping around again, tell her to go home before she gets herself killed.”

  “Lot Lot!” Carlotta gives my arm a rattle in a panic. “I’m up next. It’s been a while since I’ve shaken my maracas. I’m not so much doing this for Harry as I am for that book on how to land a man I’m writing. This is my first real piece of research. Why don’t you come up with me so I won’t be alone?”

  “Have you seen my body?”

  Rocky shrugs. “You should go. You’d be surprised how many guys go for that sort of thing. I’ll make it clear to the boys that you’re both to be tipped nicely.”

  A smarmy grin breaks loose on Carlotta’s face. “Come on, Lot. Harry’s up front just waiting. And great news, your mama and Wiley have shown up to support me, too. Since you don’t have to take anything off, just show some leg and some cleavage—tease ’em, and then tease ’em some more just the way you do with Foxy.”

  Rocky winks my way. “Tease ’em and please ’em is the name of the game.”

  “Just what I’ve always wanted to do, tease and please ’em while looking my mother, her wily boyfriend, and my biological father in the eye. I’m not going.”

  “You’re going” Carlotta pulls me in by the arm. “I could use a little cash infusion. In the event you’ve been too wrapped up in your own world to notice, I’m running off fumes. You don’t need to do anything, Lot. Just spot me.”

  “Spot you?” Before I can formulate my next thought, Carlotta has us both up on stage and moving to the beat. Sure enough, I spot Mayor Nash, Mom, and Wiley all seated up front, waving a fistful of dollars at her while I do my best to fade into the background.

  Carlotta moves and grooves while dropping her tutu and doing her best to untangle herself from her bustier. Thankfully, she’s got what amounts to a bathing suit on underneath—a flesh-colored bathing suit, but as long as it stays put I’m not saying a word.

  She turns my way and nods. “It’s time, Lot!”

  “Time for what?”

  Carlotta charges at me. “Stand next to the pole and put your hands out. I’m gonna need a boost!”