Waffles at the Wake Read online

  “Perfect timing.” Lorena snaps her fingers in my direction. “We were just talking about the funeral. Before I forget, we moved it up to Tuesday afternoon. Kenicky’s had a cancelation and asked if I wanted to move it up, so I grabbed the chance.”

  “Wait a minute.” Flo turns her head and gives her bestie the side-eye. “How is she gonna have a proper shindig for me if the boys are off conducting business?”

  That’s right, the turf war.

  “Lorena?” An entire flood of words begs to rush my lips, but I’m right back to biting my lip to temper them. “I thought I heard someone say something about a big party at the flower shop on Tuesday.” I snap my fingers at Carlotta. “Was it Cadillac?” I don’t mind throwing Cat Canelli under the bus for the sake of Noah’s safety.

  “Ooh,” Lorena stretches the word out as she puts the mobster pieces together. “Actually, that party at the flower shop had to get rescheduled, too. Funerals take precedence with the family.” She presses out a manufactured smile.

  “She’s not wrong,” Flo is quick to vouch for her friend’s words.

  “So when’s the party at the flower shop?” I ask, breathless.

  Lorena and Donata exchange a quick glance.

  Lorena looks my way. “It’s going down right now.” She picks up a cannoli and holds it up as if she was toasting all of us.

  “Saluti!” she shouts, and the rest of the table snaps up a delectable dessert and echoes her sentiment.

  But I don’t saluti anything. I hightail it to the door and call Noah, but there’s no answer. I text him next, and he doesn’t respond.

  I call Everett, and he picks up on the second ring.

  “Lemon.” He breathes hard into the line.

  “Oh, Everett, it’s terrible. Noah is in big trouble.”

  “I just heard the news.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes, Lemon. Noah was shot.”

  Chapter 17

  I sent him into a bloodbath.

  He saw Cormack head into the building and went after her. And as my bad luck or the Hearst curse, or rotten timing in general would have it, bullets started flying. Ten of Lazzari’s guys were hit, four Canellis injured, and two Morettis are dead. Nicky Knuckles wasn’t one of them.

  A few months back, Carlotta and I were caught up in a Lazzari shootout at their warehouse affectionately known as the Butcher Shop. Noah and his mob task force happened to be conducting a sting, and a bullet grazed him while he was trying to save me. Apparently, trying to rescue Cormack was a far riskier endeavor because he took a bullet this time.

  Carlotta drove me to the hospital, right here in Leeds, and Everett pulled up at the same time we did.

  It takes some shouting and general panic, but eventually we’re led into a room where we find Noah sitting up in a bed, bare-chested with his arm wrapped loosely in a sling.

  “Noah!” I scream his name out as I lunge for him, and my entire body bucks with grief as I hold him. I rub my lips against his cheek as I all out sob and take in his woodsy scent. For a brief moment, I wondered if I would ever know it again. “I’m sorry. I did this. I’m so sorry.”

  The baby gives a sharp kick between us, and Noah’s chest rumbles with a quiet laugh.

  “Hello to you, too.” He pulls back a notch, wincing as he attempts to shift his shoulder. “It turns out, they moved up the turf war. I saw the cars all around and I knew to stay away, but I caught Cormack heading on in and I had no choice.”

  “I’m sorry.” Tears burn as they stream down my cheeks. “It’s all my fault.”

  “No, it’s not, Lemon.” Everett rubs my back. “It’s his fault. Noah, you’re the one that okayed this entire body-snatching scheme. It would have been better to let it play out on its own.”

  “Big Boss!” Cormack comes running into the room with a red bump on her forehead. “I’m all clear. I survived, and it’s all because of you!” She’s about to dive-bomb on him, and Everett catches her midflight.

  “Whoa.” Everett helps her back to her feet. “He’s hurt.”

  “Bullet wound.” Noah presses the back of his head into his pillow for a moment. “Clean exit. They say no surgery. I’m just waiting for clearance to leave.”

  Cormack picks up his free hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’m coming over. I’ll bring soup, and start a fire, and we can watch a movie. In fact, I’ll stay all night. You won’t have to lift a finger.” She turns to Everett. “He saved my life.” She jabs a finger my way. “She sent us into a bloodbath! It was a setup, Lorinda. And don’t try to deny it. I demand that you divorce her, Everett. We’ll lawyer up and make sure that baby never sees the whites of her eyes.”

  “Cormack.” Everett gives a long blink. “Nobody is touching Lemon’s baby.”

  “I never told you to go to that abandoned flower mart.” The words speed out of me as my blood begins to boil. “You’re the reason Noah went into the building, not me.”

  Cormack sucks in a quick breath. “It’s just like you to try to play the hero in every scenario, isn’t it?”

  “Cormack”—Noah says her name sharply—“please call for someone to give you a ride home. You need to get some rest yourself. I don’t need anyone to babysit me. I’m fine.”

  “I’m going to babysit you,” I say. “I’ll make sure you eat a good dinner, we can build a fire, and we can even watch a movie.”

  Cormack growls my way.

  Everett chuckles. “Don’t worry. I have a feeling they’re going to load him up on the good stuff and he’ll be out like a light, ten minutes after he gets home. Noah is right. You need to get some rest, too, Cormack.”

  “Knock, knock,” a deep voice calls out from the entry and in walks Sheriff Jack Turner, Keelie’s father, along with a tall, leggy redhead, Noah’s partner in homicide crime, Ivy Fairbanks. “Mind if we come in a moment?” Jack sheds his signature heavily squinted smile. His silver hair gleams in the light, and his complexion looks ruddy against his olive-colored uniform.

  “Please, come in.” Noah does his best to sit up a notch.

  “Noah.” Ivy sheds a sarcastic smile at the entire lot of us. “I see you have quite the fan club.” She glances to my belly. “You might be a father soon.” She looks to Noah. “Why in the world would you head down that way and put your life on the line?”

  Jack shakes his head. “Noah, I won’t believe you if you try to tell me you had no foreknowledge of the attack, so just fess up right now. Who told you about this? And why on God’s green earth would you go into it alone?”

  Noah shoots a quick look to Everett. “I had no idea. Cormack—she was headed that way and I thought maybe I’d go meet up with her.” He closes his eyes a moment. “I thought maybe we could have a little alone time.”

  In an effort to dig himself out of a hole, Noah is digging himself into an entirely different crater. It takes a talent—and a dash of my bad luck. I get it. He doesn’t want to implicate me, or my talking ghost who happens to be my informant at the mob, but I’m not liking the tradeoff.

  “Aww!” Cormack coos. “And here I thought I was heading out to see a suspect, but it turns out, Larissa Lemon was putting me in the path of mortal danger.” Her voice grows sharp as she looks my way. “You can’t stand that Noah and I want to be together. Well, that’s too bad. It’s just something you’re going to have to get used to, just the way Noah has been forced to get used to you and Essex.”

  Jack gives the back of his neck a quick scratch as he tries to decipher her scattered thoughts.

  “Lottie?” He looks my way. “In English, please.”

  “Cormack overheard me talking to someone at the bakery. I have no idea how she got that old flower mart out of the conversation.”

  Jack Turner looks her way. “Is that true? You were eavesdropping and misunderstood something?”

  Cormack’s mouth rounds out. “I was—I was certain that was the answer to the riddle.”

  Jack looks from Noah to me. “All right. Sounds as if it was
innocent enough. But it was an awfully big coincidence, son.” He winks. “And I for one don’t believe in coincidences. I’m going to ask you something, and I want a straight yes or no answer. Mind you, if there’s a hint of hesitation, I might read something into that.”

  “Shoot.” Noah tilts his head toward the sheriff.

  “Are you working with the mob?”

  “No.” It streams from his lips quick as lightning. “Maybe it’s time to start believing in coincidences. They happen.”

  “Okay.” Jack shrugs as he looks my way. “Stay out of danger, Lottie. Keep that baby safe.” He offers me a quick embrace before leaving.

  Ivy narrows her gaze over at Noah. “You expect me to believe you were trying to have a rendezvous with Ms. Featherby?” Her left eyebrow rises into her forehead. “Get better, Noah. We’ll talk.”

  She turns to leave, and Noah sits up another notch.

  “Ivy”—he calls after her, and she turns around—“could I trouble you to give Cormack a lift back to the B&B? Her car was left in Leeds.” He looks to Cormack. “And don’t worry. I can have a deputy pick it up for you. Just give the keys to Detective Fairbanks.”

  “Fine.” She makes a face. “My head is killing me anyway.” She links arms with Ivy, and Ivy’s eyes widen with horror. “Now that I’m a detective myself, we have a lot to talk about.”

  They take off, and Everett looks to Noah.

  “Ivy may never forgive you.”

  “I don’t care.” He winces as he slings his legs over the side of the bed. “I’m just glad that nightmare is over.”

  Everett purses his lips. “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. I’ll go see about getting you out of here.” He takes off, and I scoot in close to Noah and nuzzle my head to his neck.

  “I’m sorry, Noah. I’m going to make this up to you. I don’t know what I would have done if something happened to you.”

  He tips my chin his way with his finger, and I can see tears glowing in his eyes like shards.

  “You still love me,” he whispers.

  “I will love you forever, Noah Fox.”

  He presses out a sorrowful smile. “I’d take a thousand bullets just to hear that again and again.” He dots a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you for that.”

  We get Noah back to Country Cottage Road, but he asks to hang out at our place. He said he’s determined to see his niece come back from the Winter Formal. So the three of us—four counting Carlotta, five counting the baby—chow down on Noah’s favorite double pepperoni pizza from Mangias and watch a movie while a fire blazes in the background.

  I’ve got Everett on my right and Noah on my left as the three of us get cozy on the sofa. Both Pancake and Waffles do their best to sit in what’s left of my lap while Toby sits dutifully by Noah’s feet.

  Carlotta is working feverishly on her laptop, stealing glances my way every now and again.

  “How’s your book coming along?” I ask while patting my belly. It turns out, the baby is a big fan of Mangias pizza and loves to give a kick of approval every now and again.

  “I’m all done. Wiley’s agreed to publish it for me as a friend, but he hasn’t agreed to take me on as a client, so I’ve really got to dazzle him if I want to make a career out of this, Lot. I’m just polishing up the chapter on throuples. Believe me, the three of you have been a bigger help than you can imagine.”

  Everett glances her way. “Keep our names out of it.”

  “Oh, I have,” Carlotta is quick to inform us. “I have a disclaimer right up front that I’ve changed the names and places as to protect the innocent.”

  “Okay, let’s hear it,” I say. “What’s our cover?”

  “Sexy, Foxy, and Naughty Clemon.”

  “Carlotta,” I groan at the thought of a thinly veiled tell-all on the horizon.

  Noah shakes his head. “My last name is Fox. It’s too easy.”

  Carlotta shrugs. “Sorry, Foxy, it’s staying. I conferred with my attorney, and he said it was fine.” She shoots Everett with her fingers. “Thanks for the free legal advice, Sexy.”

  “Everett?” A somewhat amused laugh escapes me.

  He shrugs. “I thought she was just writing about Noah. And”—he winces—“she’s still within the bounds of the law.”

  “See?” Carlotta says it with glee. “Trust me, no one will put two hot studs and one knocked up mama together. Besides, I said the three of you were from Funny Hollow. What genius is going to crack that code?”

  A moan strums from me. “Do whatever you want, Carlotta. We’ve got bigger fish to fry. Noah, are you up for talking about the case?”

  “Yup.” He gives Pancake a quick scratch on his head. “Is Flo here?”

  Carlotta and I exchange a glance because neither of us has seen the shifty specter.

  “No.” I pull the cats in close until their tails are whipping my nose alternately. “You would think having the murder victim come back to help find their killer would make things a piece of cake.”

  Carlotta grunts, “More like a cake made of flour and hard liquor. You have a good time shoveling it in, but you regret it come morning.”

  Everett glides his arm around my waist and pulls me his way a notch as I snuggle against him.

  “She was shoveling something our way, all right.” He blows out a breath.

  Noah glances his way. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m the one that bought into it. I could have stopped it, Lottie. But here we are. And I want to assure each of you, I’m going to singlehandedly take care of Flo’s body. I got us into this, and I’m going to get us out of it.”

  “Noah.” I give the scruff on his cheek a quick scratch. “You are not responsible. It was solely me, but good try. I had the final say. And you’re not moving her body by yourself. You’re down an arm. I’ll help you.”

  “Right, Lot.” Carlotta guffaws as if it was the funniest thing on earth. “I can see it now—Gimpy and Preggo starring in Night of the Living Dead in Honey Hollow.”

  “She’s right.” Everett offers a stern look to Noah and me. “Neither of you is going to move that body an inch. Actually, this entire nightmare is officially done for the two of you. I’m taking over.”

  “Like you should’ve done to begin with,” Carlotta adds. “You know you wanted to tack that little tidbit on,” she says to Everett. “I’ll help you with the body. Now that we got the weak links out of the way, you and I can get a move on with what needs to be done. We’re going to make a great team—just you and me, Sexy. We both know we’re the brains of this organization. The only thing these two are good at is rutting like a couple of rabbits. ”

  Everett’s brows dip down in a hard V. “I’m pretty good at that, too.”

  “Don’t I know it.” Carlotta gives a wistful tick of the head. “And believe me, you scored your very own chapter because of it. I’ve gone all around town interviewing women you’ve rolled in the hay with. I couldn’t go ten steps without bumping into one of—”

  “All right, we get it,” I snip. “Back to solving Flo’s murder. Who do we have? Lorena and Donata?”

  Noah nods. “You mentioned that Donata was still bitter about her brother’s incarceration. She definitely had a motive. Rocky thinks she’s a viable suspect.”

  “Rocky still loved her.” Everett warms me with his arm. “He thought the baby could be his.”

  “True,” I say. “Then there’s Nicky Knuckles. He seemed to really care for her, too. But Rocky says Nicky had cheated on Flo. He said he would have killed him, but Nicky was in the running as the baby’s father and he couldn’t do that to the baby.”

  Both Noah and Everett groan and nod as if they could commiserate with Rocky’s quasi-homicidal position.

  “See there, Lot?” Carlotta laughs. “You’re practically a trendsetter. Ten bucks says within a year, half of the childbearing women in this town will be knocked up and just as confused as to who the daddy might be. And I bet they try to one-up you in the candidate departmen
t, too. If I were you, I’d throw Bear’s hat in the ring just to protect your reign as queen of the paternally undecided.

  I avert my eyes. “Who else is on the chopping block?”

  Everett shakes his head. “You’ve covered Donata, Nicky Knuckles, and Rocky Romero. We didn’t cover Lorena.”

  “There’s nothing to cover,” I say. “Flo seems more than approving of her taking over the girl mob gang they started up, the Ruthless Witches.” I glance to Noah. “And believe me, they plan on living up to their name. I bet they’ll warrant their very own task force.”

  “I have no doubt,” he says, folding his hands together.

  Before we can come to any sort of a conclusion, a horrible thud comes from the other side of the door.

  Everett jumps to his feet, but before he can get to the entry, the knob gives a violent jiggle and Evie bounds into the room.

  “I hate him!” she screams at the top of her lungs. “I hate Dash, too. I knew I shouldn’t have made friends with these hillbillies! I’m packing up my things. Ship me back to Ellington, Dad!” She runs screaming and sobbing all the way to her room and slams her door with a bang that sounds louder than a gunshot.

  “What in the world?” The four of us storm into Evie’s bedroom, only to find her wailing on her bed with her face buried in her pillow. “Evie?” I sit next to her and do my best to pull her my way until her arms are clasped over me, tight as a koala bear.

  “It was Kyle.” She hiccups as she sobs. “I caught him and Dash making out in a dark corner. I hate them, and I hate everything.”

  “I’m so sorry. When I was in high school, I had a boy who cheated on me and—”

  “Why do you always have to make everything about yourself, Mom?” She starts in on another wailing cry as she grips me tighter.

  “That’s right, Lot,” Carlotta hisses. “Let the girl have her moment. It’s not every day a boy has the cookies to step out on a Sawyer woman. And believe me, Evie Stevie, you’re a Sawyer where it counts.”

  “Thanks, Cray-Cray.” Evie gives a weak shrug before laying her head on my shoulder. “And I’m sorry I yelled at you, Mom. But I won’t lie—it felt good. I’ll probably end up doing it more often.”