Key Lime Pie Perjury: Cozy Mystery (MURDER IN THE MIX Book 34) Read online

  No, that’s not over by a long shot.

  Our careers? Now that remains a mystery.

  Lottie

  It’s Sunday, Father’s Day, and Main Street is buzzing with the townspeople of Honey Hollow once again.

  Gone are the hordes of construction workers, their bulldozers and backhoes, and the endless racket of jackhammers. In their place are thick crowds of people and colorful banners that are strung up along all of the businesses that line the newly beautified street. Gone, too, are the gray cracked sidewalks, and in their place are blue tumbled cobblestones that look as if they’ve been here since the inception of our cozy little town.

  The scent of grilled burgers, pizza, and garlic-riddled Chinese food permeates the street as smoke from the grills of the local restaurants sails down the street and entrances all of Honey Hollow. I’ve fired up my oven, too, and the scent of my cinnamon rolls is entrancing more than a few people as well. It’s the most effective weapon in my arsenal, and on days like this, when the competition is high, I’m not afraid to use it.

  Mayor Nash thought it would be a good idea for all of the businesses on Main Street to remind the townspeople of Honey Hollow what we’ve got to offer since we’ve been essentially displaced for the entire month. And so we’re having a street festival, with every establishment setting up shop right here on our brand new sidewalks to show off our wares.

  “Why do we have to be outside today of all days?” Carlotta bleats while fanning herself with her fingers. “It’s ten thousand degrees out here—and muggy. It’s hotter than a wet cat in a cowboy boot on a Texas afternoon.”

  I’m not entirely sure what she just said, but she’s not wrong about the weather. Thankfully, we’ve set up a table just under the awning, and we have plenty of shade from the brutal attack of the sun.

  “Key lime pie!” Lily shouts. “Key lime pie from the Cutie Pie Bakery and Cakery!”

  “Free samples!” Suze crows. “But just a bite. If you want the rest, you’ll have to open your wallet. We’re a business, not a charity!”

  “She’s got a point,” I whisper to Lyla Nell as I bounce her in my arms. The baby is adorable in a pretty blue dress with little white sailboats stamped all over it and a matching pretty blue bow in her hair. She can’t stop flashing that dimpled smile, and everyone who sees her can’t stop themselves from cooing at her. She’s just that cute.

  “There’s my other little princess!” Mom trills as she hustles this way with Josie in her arms and my sisters, Lainey and Meg, in tow. Both Lainey and Meg look as if they’re ready for the beach in short sundresses with a hint of their bathing suits peering out from around their necks. Mom is still wearing the same dress she wore to church this morning while holding Josie in her arms, and I can’t believe how big my little niece is getting. Her golden hair is pulled into pigtails, and her amber eyes expand as she squeals and reaches for her little cousin, Lyla Nell.

  “Oh, Lottie.” Mom cranes her neck as she tries her best to look past the crowd at the front of my shop. “Just look at your bakery. There’s a line going out the door! I can’t blame them. Your key lime pie really is addicting.”

  “And refreshing,” Lainey adds as she coos at Lyla Nell. “And you are just the cutest little button. Does your mommy know how to bake the best key lime pies in all the world? Yes, she does. Why, I think you’re the luckiest girl in all of Vermont.”

  Meg snorts out a laugh. “She’s the luckiest girl in Vermont because she gets to celebrate Father’s Day with two daddies. Where are they, anyway? Let me guess. They’re renting a couple of Jet Skis for the afternoon in hopes you’ll hop on the back of one topless again.”

  I scowl over at her. “I’m not laughing.”

  My blonde bestie, Keelie, pops up from out of nowhere, holding little Bear with his shock of blond hair and that serious look in his eyes.

  “Lottie”—Keelie brays out a laugh—“Bear told me all about that topless Jet Skiing incident.”

  My eyes widen in horror. “How did Bear know about it?”

  “He and his crew always head to the lake for lunch,” she says. “You don’t expect them to sit in that mud pit all day, where you’re trying to build a house, do you?”

  “No.” But if they built the house a little faster, they wouldn’t have to sit there at all, I want to say but don’t. I’ll admit, the heat is making me testy.

  She nods. “Noah told Bear it felt like the best massage ever to have you thumping over his back like that.”

  My mother and sisters break out into cackles, as does Lily. The only two not laughing are Suze and Carlotta. Suze, I sort of expect that from since she seems to be exempt from fun to begin with, but Carlotta grunts as she picks up another piece of my key lime pie, and I’m suspicious as to why she’s not hopping on the pick-on-Lottie bandwagon.

  She shrugs my way. “Lot Lot had to throw Foxy a bone now that she’s got Sexy on lock. But believe me, the three of them are still very much a throuple. Last night when we came home from that time-traveling shindig, the three of them whooped it up in the backyard with ten bottles of champagne, toasting to everything under the full moon.”

  Suze’s eyes bug out as she suddenly looks interested in the conversation at hand.

  “Under the full moon? Sounds like a ritual was taking place,” she points out for no good reason.

  “There was no ritual,” I tell her. “And there was no champagne. It was sparkling cider. I’m still nursing, and both Noah and Everett are very sensitive to that fact. Besides, the only reason we weren’t celebrating in the house was because we didn’t want to wake Lyla Nell.” The baby looks up at me and giggles when I say her name. “But I had the baby monitor turned up full blast, so I didn’t miss a single breath,” I coo right at her.

  Lainey raises a brow. “What were you celebrating? The fact you took down another killer?”

  “The fact—” I stop shy of spilling the details about Noah and Everett’s impending hits being canceled due to the fact they’ve procured protection from opposing mob families. Not that Noah had a hit on him per se. No thanks to Wiley’s buffoonery, it’s my mother, her B&B, Lyla Nell, and me that I have to lose sleep over. Or at least I would have to lose sleep over us all if Noah didn’t sell his soul to Jimmy Canelli. And Everett confessed Jimmy has known for a while that he wasn’t my father. I wish Everett had told me sooner, so I could have stopped embarrassing myself around Jimmy. But I’ll admit, I’ll miss pretending to be a Canelli. Everett also told me all about the hit on him being reignited because of the fact I’m shy a few Canelli DNA strands.

  I smile over at my older sister. “That’s exactly what we were celebrating. The fact I took down another killer.”

  Carlotta leans in. “Keep dishing out the half-truths. I won’t blow your cover,” she says just as Noah and Everett step this way.

  Noah’s hair glows crimson at the tips as the sun bears down over him. And Everett’s dark locks create a blue halo over his head, making him look all the more like a deity than he already does. Although he was far more a sinner than a saint in that bedroom last night—just the way I like him.

  A sea of women part for them, and each turns her neck in honor of these two men, as they drool in their wake.

  “I hit Mangias for us.” Noah sheds a dimpled smile as he lands a box of pizza onto the bistro table next to me.

  And Everett holds up a bag from Wicked Wok. “More of your favorite food.” He lands a kiss to my lips, and an audible sigh ripples down Main Street, and rightfully so.

  Carlotta chuckles. “Double your pleasure, double your f-u-n. It’s the Lottie Lemon way.”

  “Ignore her,” I say as I hike up on my tiptoes to kiss my handsome husband. “Happy Father’s Day,” I tell him for the hundredth time before turning to Noah. “And Happy Father’s Day again to you, too.”

  Lyla Nell wiggles and kicks in my arms as she looks to the two of them.

  “Someone almost slept a solid eight hours last night,” I say, and our lit
tle circle of love cheers for her. “You are one excited little girl. Do you see Daddy?”

  She vocalizes and laughs as her dimples dig in deep, and for a moment, her perfection mesmerizes me.

  She reaches for Everett. “Dada!”

  The crowd around us cheers once again—with the exception of Suze, and come to think of it, Noah.

  “That’s my girl,” Everett says, taking her from my arms and dropping a kiss to the top of her head, which only makes Lyla Nell scream with laughter.

  She’s a happy girl, I’ll give her that.

  “See this?” Suze gruffs. “It’s the exact kind of thing I knew would happen. You’re a perfect stranger to her, Noah. Nothing more than a neighbor who drops by to goose her mother. And believe me, that will most likely be a running theme in her life.”

  Everett shoots Noah a look. “Don’t worry, Suze. I’ll put a stop to the goosing.”

  Noah opens his mouth to say something just as Lyla Nell chirps his way and does her best to extend her arms for him.

  “Dada, Dada!” she shouts with glee at Noah, and the crowd around us erupts with cheers once again.

  “She said it, Lot!” Noah scoops her out of Everett’s arms. “She called me Dada.” He lands a heartfelt kiss right over one of her dimples, and a seam of liquid lines his lashes. “Daddy loves you, baby girl, yes, I do.”

  I press a hand to my chest. “I don’t think Lyla Nell could have given either of you a better Father’s Day gift.”

  “Oh!” my mother chirps. “Speaking of gifts.” She pulls a couple of cards out of her purse and hands one to Noah and the other to Everett. “Lyla Nell made these for the two of you.”

  Noah and Everett open them up to find a pink impression of Lyla Nell’s foot over the front, and just below it reads Happy Father’s Day! I’m going to leave my footprint right over your heart.

  “Aww,” the crowd around us coos in unison before breaking off into their own little groups once again.

  Carlotta shakes her head. “Looks to me Little Yippy is about to walk all over you both. Sounds about right, the way the two of you are always doting over her. You need to put her in a corner once in a while and let her cry it out. Come back in about five years and see if she’s chosen to obey.”

  Poor Charlie. Each time Carlotta dispenses some parenting advice, I cringe at what my poor sister had to live through.

  “I love it,” Everett says, holding up the card with the impression of Lyla Nell’s pink foot. “This is going in my office.”

  “Same here,” Noah agrees.

  Keelie butts her shoulder to Everett. “Judge Baxter, are you ever going to give Lottie her push present?”

  Push present, as in a gift a woman receives once she pushes out a baby. It was Keelie’s idea from the get-go, not mine.

  His cheek cinches a moment. “I will when the time comes. Bear has a little to do with it, so if there’s anything you can do to get him to build a little faster, we all might see it before we hit retirement.”

  “You don’t have to do anything for me, Everett,” I tell him.

  Shortly after the baby was born, Noah planted a tree in his front yard as a gift to Lyla Nell and me. It’s a pretty substantial tree he bought from a local nursery. He’s going to put a swing in its branches when the time is right.

  Everett wraps an arm around my waist. “It’s on its way, Lemon. And when the time is right, you’ll not only get to see it, you’ll get to participate in it.”

  Speaking of on its way, I see Charlie sauntering over with a small pink gift bag in her hand. She’s wearing a yellow sundress, and her dark hair cascades down her shoulders in waves, much the same way mine does, and I can’t help but feel as if I’m looking in a mirror as I take her in.

  “Lottie.” Her eyes squint with a mischievous look as she hands the bag my way.

  “Don’t take it, Lot,” Carlotta calls out. “It might be a bomb.”

  “It’s not a bomb,” I tell her as I peer inside.

  Charlie takes a breath. “I don’t see why the men should get all the gifts today. Go ahead and open it.”

  My lips twitch to the side before I fish out an envelope and open its contents.

  “Consider yourself served,” Charlie says as she smears it with a grin.

  “Oh, Charlie,” I groan as I look up at Everett. “Why does it feel as if I’ve just been socked in the gut?”

  Everett’s cheek flickers. “Most people feel that way when they discover they’re being hauled to court.”

  Charlie picks up Lyla Nell’s hand and coos right at her, and Lyla Nell jumps and laughs in Noah’s arms.

  “That’s right, Lyla Nell,” Charlie sings. “I’m officially suing your mama.”

  “Mama!” Lyla Nell cries out as she looks at Charlie and attempts to grab her face.

  “Oh no, no, no,” I shrill as I shove Charlie out of the way and step in front of my sweet babe. “I’m Mama, me.” I practically whine when I say that last part.

  Her little brows furrow as if she were confused by my words before she looks to Charlie once again.

  “Mama!” she shouts and points to my sneaky sister.

  Suze laughs—all by her lonesome, I might point out. “I told you she was going to be confused. Congratulations, Lottie. You’ve got her all mixed up. Expect her to serve you with papers in just a few years herself for blurring the lines of normalcy.”

  I make a face. If Lyla Nell sues me for blurring the lines of normalcy, it won’t have anything to do with having one too many parents who love her. It’ll have more to do with the fact she sees the dead.

  “Dad, Mom?” Evie skips this way in a pair of cut-off shorts that are amply ripped and shredded and a tank top with a red, rather skimpy, string bikini underneath it. “Happy Father’s Day again, Dad and Uncle Noah.” Evie and I made Everett breakfast in bed this morning. And since Noah spent the night in the nursery, he was served breakfast in bed, too. Noah didn’t want to miss a second of this day with his little girl. “I’ve got news.” Evie’s smile fades as she offers a stern look to Everett and me. “I decided to take your sage advice, and I officially broke it off with Conner this time.”

  “What?” I balk.

  That was not my sage advice. It was Everett’s. I know better than to mess with puppy love.

  “That’s right.” Evie nods. “And Dash broke it off with Kyle, too. We thought we’d take a break for the summer, like you said, Dad, and see how much fun we can have without them.”

  “Evie, I’m sorry,” I tell her. “Why don’t you and Dash head into the bakery and stuff your faces with cream puffs? They always made me feel better when I was trying to mend a broken heart.”

  Carlotta scoots in. “And toss in a chocolate cake, kiddo. Nothing says men don’t matter than that double fudge chocolate chip cake your mama makes.”

  “Thanks, guys.” Evie sighs our way. “But my heart’s not all that broken. And guess what? I signed up for those driving lessons, and I just so happened to meet up with my instructor today right here on Main Street.”

  “That’s great,” I tell her. “At least you’ll have something to take your mind off Conner.”

  “Oh, I will.” She waves at someone, and a tall, dark-haired boy who looks a touch older with bright eyes and a serious demeanor heads this way. He’s handsome to a fault and reminds me a little of Everett with that cock-sure demeanor of his. “Mom, Dad, Cray-Cray, Uncle Noah, I’d like you to meet Bradford Van Horn. He’s a college man from Ashford, and he has to spend his whole summer taking student drivers just like me for long, hot drives all around Honey Hollow.” She licks her lips as she gazes up at the boy. “Don’t worry, Bradford. I’ll make sure we have a real good time.”

  Bradford offers a somewhat friendly hello before Evie pulls him away and they dissipate into the crowd.

  “A real good time?” Carlotta tries her best to hold back her laughter. “I bet Bradford Van Horny is going to take an extra liking to our Evie Stevie.”

  I grow
l over at her.

  “A college man?” Everett looks fit to kill as he stares vacantly in their wake.

  Noah ticks his head to the side. “That’s what you get for telling her to cool it with a kid her own age.”

  Everett is about to say something when his eyes snag on something across the street.

  I follow his gaze to see Jimmy and Luke standing there with their dark suits, dark sunglasses, and matching fedoras. They look like a couple of frightening mobster bookends.

  “Excuse us,” Everett says, hitching his head that way to Noah, and soon Lyla Nell is back in my arms as they take off in that direction.

  “I wonder what that’s about?” I say mostly to myself.

  “Forget that,” Charlie says, looking at something in the opposite direction.

  Carlotta and I turn that way to see one of our favorite people in the whole wide world—or heaven as it were.

  “Nell!” I call out as I traipse in her direction as Lyla Nell bounces in my arms, and both Charlie and Carlotta follow along.

  Nell floats to the side of the bakery, a few feet out of view from the crowd at hand, before she turns around and sheds her signature grin. She looks ever so much the way I remember her, with warm wrinkles and that slightly mischievous look in her eyes. There’s a lavender aura around her and miniature stars that ignite in her hair, in her glowing pink cardigan, and in her smile.

  “Nell!” I wrap my arms around her tightly and ensconce the baby between us. “I’ve missed you so.” When she was alive, I didn’t know she was my grandmother, so I’ve always called her by her first name. “What are you doing here? Are you here to see the baby?”

  “Oh dear, if it were that simple, I would never leave. You know I need to see this peanut.” She gives Lyla Nell’s cheek a tickle before taking her right out of my arms, and the baby giggles and screams with delight.

  “She loves you, Nell,” I say as tears come to my eyes.

  “And I love you all.” She nods to my sister. “Charlie, you must know I love you, too.”